MERLIN

From where I stand, I see everything, and I see nothing. I was born worshiping the sun, but I will die soon in the shade of the trees. Today I just want to write about my true love. You already know almost everything about my prophecies, my rituals, my adventures, and pieces of advice. My days at court are done. While I get ready to depart, sitting under this ash tree, I just want to remember. And one can only remember through emotions. That’s why I want to talk about her. The way our bodies loved each other in the morning when we were awakened by the sun. She was the sun. And today, I feel like the moon: mysterious and nostalgic. We were one. The sun and the moon here on earth. Her arms were beautiful. And I use the past tense because she is gone. And today, I remember her, knowing but at the same time not knowing what will happen. Without promises but with the hope that I will see her again. In another life with a different body, but with the same gaze. 

I want to tell you about her eyes, better said, about the look in her eyes. Staring at each other was a way to get to the center of the earth, where time doesn’t exist. Our eyes met mainly in the woods (she never wanted to come with me to the civilization), and when the sunlight was already gone, we could still find everything we needed.

My favourite morning was one during spring. She woke me up with fruits and water, wearing my clothes on her naked body. She walked between brunches looking for something that was forgotten by me because everything was enough with her. Her hands were softly touching my back. While the sun was rising together with the early morning aroma, our bodies started getting close. To feel her totality was the true Alquimia. The one that can not be taught. The one that can not be explained. Some, like me, live it just once. Some, never. That’s why I feel so grateful. For our story and the emotions through which today I remember her. Her big mouth, her thick lips, and her eyes like water. I loved her as a newborn loves itself with that same purity and innocence. And in this pureness, I found myself, just like treetops find themselves in the forest: freely. I haven’t felt any omen or magic trick as potent as her kisses. 

Once, covered by the darkness of the night, she asked me if I felt the same way she did. The answer was obvious. You can only feel something that strong when it is reciprocal. However, now that she is gone, I wonder if someone out there can feel the same. 

The day she left, when I found her breathless, I just stared at her. I wish I could have let her know how grateful I feel I have had her in my life. That I want to see her again. Although I sense I didn’t do that because I don’t believe in future pacts or promises. Love equals freedom. So today, sitting under this ash tree, just the remembrance and illusion remain.